One Sunny Morning, wanting to wake up but couldnt, there's sth seem to push me down that i couldnt even get myself up. in my Heart, told God, 'Lord, You're my Strength, My Healer' but long after sometime, finally manage to push myself up from bed but still unstable. and one thing that came into my mind after that will be "Good Morning, Holy Spirit! Good Morning, Jesus! Good Morning Daddy God!".


*a rainbow race that keep running. a race that never stop from now.

Hmms. Times passes. was talking w someone and talk sth about 'when we grow older day by day, tims will pass real fast de'. and yea, its truth. hope this 2 years passes by soon soon. but can i stay 18 forever? few more mths to 18. 106 more days to be exact. wonder how my 18 gonna be like. crazy, 17 still haven over den go to 18 le. but nvm. Thank God, i settle a few ppl present le. now, got e money den faster buy if not later cannot buy. *sweat. and i really LOVE one of present, can i don give to that person. :x 25more days. but i wanna buy new tops and Blah.. ): butbut.. no touching alrdy. :x

Hmms. ehh. woah~ finally after so long, i got homework! must do after that. now relac 1st, watch tv and so 1st. den after that go be guai kids. and guess what, return home just now after sch. and i feel SO relac, SO peaceful. was lying down in my bed and doing nth and really feel so peaceful. how i wish my everyday life is liddat. yea, thou like doing nth but on e another side, think of it, so cool. don need hear ppl talking, scolding and Blah.. and was looking thru out of e skies. and was wondering, will it be great if e skies is soft piink instead of blue? it'll turn out to be awesome i believe.

Hmms. and i feel so werid. just werid. Daddy God, Let Your Peace come upon me, i Pray. and this song keep entering my mind. "I've come to bow down at Your Feet, Lord Jesus. There's nothing, There's no one, to compare w You." Song are song but if You sing it w all ur Heart and not by e lycis, it'll be diff. totally diff.

*a Love letter from You.

Hmms. so tired but im still blogging. reached home at 12plus. amazing. today kinda of SOT le after all e !@#$!@#$. so Kim is abit crazy or rather sometime i'll become crazy de. depends on who am i w and when issit and what time issit. and i just feel that im just using all this crazy to cover all my heartbrokeness and stuff. in another word, it another part of me. but im not as crazy as Golehmak! and im really shock by e mtg. not PM nah. to me is BIG. super BIG, i cant imaging. but one word to discrible my feeling, *broken. just like a pieces of glass has break down on e floor. but hope everything turn out fine. and yea, it'll be fine. and i believe all of u doesnt know what happen for sure but only Double C know what im talking about. and yea, don worries, my Double C, it'll be fine.

Hmms. and yea. now, half half im happy and sad. happy somehow cos of e plan that still can be tgt but somehow sad cos im thinking who can i relate to, *human will change. wait till e day come and i'll say. but i thank God for everything that is planned out. but at e same time when i think of it, i doesnt know why e fear is there. is this e plan that God has planned? one thing that came into my mind when i wake up is "that thing". whatever it is, Thank God. what i can do now, Pray! and yea, just like what i said, i do not know what will happen next but Lord, i just Trust You. i Trust that You'll have a betta and BEST plan for me! (:

*i Love You. and my Heart will follow wolly after You.

Hmms. Looking up to Heaven doesnt means "Emo". went PowerHouse ytd w Yuping. this time got accompany. Presense of God is still so Strongy. i told God in my midst of talking to Him. i told Him that 'if can, can i stay here forever in this place that feel so Peaceful, so Loves. and here only me and You and no one else." and yes, i really hope that is my home. where no one can find me.

i wonder why devil attack us thru our weakness point? on one side, wanna do great things for Him, and alrdy SET e goal and vision and cfm that decided to walk w Him no matter what. BUT devil come and attack us and hit us down. Just one Hit by a sentence, will fall. and e heart have a hole. not a small but a Big Hole. a Big Big Hole. commitment? decision? promise?

Daddy God, Let Your Peace come upon me. Pour down Your Healing Rain on me. Heal me on e inside out. Heal my heart that is w Hole. Heal my Giddyness. Heal my Headachness. Heal every discomfort in my body. my body is e temple of God. Holy Spirit live in me. and Lord, i want to keep it well. but Lord, im sorry that i didnt take care of it. Lord, i doesnt know what happen to my body. i doesnt know how long i still can live. But i have One Life, i want to Live it for You. whenever im afraid, i'll trust in You. Daddy God, rmb me.

*Nothing happen when You're w me.

Hmms. Guess what! im super happy. (: cos today take H&W. den HoHoHo! i growth in my Height! Smiling in my heart. i grew by 2 cm. to me is ALOT. and overall my height is 195cm. HAHA. u believe, yes right? inside of me is that tall. my spiritual height. (: alrights alrights nah. my height is 149cm! not sure whether cher got take wrong mah but anw he said 149 mean 149 nah. and weight, never take cos spoilt. i also don wanna take cos haha. =D

Hmms. and. ARG! crazy. SW gonna learn swimming. can u imaging? No! Swim e head. so irritating, so troublesome! all of us are so dono how to say cos still need to buy swimming costume and Learn to swim. dono who come up this idea. den dono heard that cos no one using e facilities so they using SW lesson to take up all e space. so anyone, if u know how to swim PLEASE go my sch so we don need swim le. Oh Yea, of cos i know how to swim, *Like real. cher say next thurs test on swimming. dono how to swim how to test. *SotSot de. nvm, u all shall see e newspaper and news. "HENG KIM HONG drowned in Simei ITE Collegue during SW lesson." (:

Hmms. and yea. we change our time table. can say good and bad. quite relac. only 1 day i go home at 5 which is wed! and one day my lesson start 8. and e rest i don need go sch early. and tues i only need to attend 1hr lesson and back home le. crazy, waste time. sians. liddat i cant go Powerhouse on wed le. nvm. still got fri mah. but thurs got 3 hr break again. But overall quite alright. but i pray that His wisdom is upon me cos i still don understand my modules.

*can i swim to Heaven if i know to swim?

Hmms. LaLaLa!!~ 3 hr break at sch doing nth is no Good. ytd and today got 3 hr break. sians super sians. but thank God that my classmates suggested to come to MLC to use com. so im using it now. but still bored. wasting time. rather go PowerHouse! anw, went PowerHouse ytd. my 1st time went to PowerHouse and somemore its alone. and e moment i step in, woah~ i can really feel His Presense. He's there, Right there. Beside me. its so awesome i can say. He's so Great for sure. Tears and Tears flowing out and out and out, even i leave e room, i just feel His Presense everywhere. He's a Awesome God!

and God once again remind me that "Whenever im afraid, Trust in Him". im fearing of loads of things right now. asking God why how. but he told me that everything is according to His Purpose and reason. i cant change e Plan He have for us. everything that He've planned is ALWAYS e best for us. and looking back, i've been a Christian for ard 2 years? and this journey is ups and downs for sure. tribulation and everything in our life. but all this stupid and crazy thoughts that i have, its e devil! its not from God for sure! e devil attack us thru when we're really down. and thinking back, did i really treasure Him Trusting Him? yea, have but not all e days. somehow i use have e doubt. But "Christian" is not just having e regional but have a relationship w Daddy God. and i gonna tell myself, recommit myself back to Him once again. God sent His beloved Son to die on e Cross just for our SIN that we've created.

and i Love to go to Svc, CGM, BS. Love it loads. as days passes by, i feel that im getting closer to God each and every day. and learning His Word, feeling His Love. woah~ i feel so peaceful! feel so relac in His House. and BS is really Good and cool! awesome! Bro Grabiel tell us loads of story during BS. and i share w u one story that he've shared. *during a horse racing, before e horse started to run, they'll have 100% full of oxygen. and half way thru e race, e horse used up all of it oxygen le and how e horse gonna run towards e finishing line? By e heart. and it remind of our Christian walk. when we lost e 100% oxygen in e midst of our walk, we still doesnt give up. even thou we doesnt have e oxygen, but we still have e Heart to follow Jesus, to Trust in Him. so if anyone of u feel that u've no oxygen to move on le, use ur heart to trust in Him. and God look thru our Heart not our appearance. make a decision to turn 100% back to God once again and deleted all those past.

*a heart that follow u.

Hmms. i had an terrible feeling again. e day before ytd night and ytd and today. does e medicine really helps? i dono. maybe its help cos when i eat not really that bad but e sound is always there. but when i don eat, thats will be what happen to me, *Terrible feeling. haiis. But i realise sth, e medicine make me FAT! okok, i confess that i din had proper 3 meal and eat e medicine regulary. but e medicine really make me look FAT! don like it. *humph!. and ytd night, i dreamed that when i go back check up, e doc say 'im alright! completely alright le!'. well, sometime dream can be opp. what's mine?

Hmms. having BS later. and mtg Jiahui after my PowerHouse! Finally. after so long long, can meet JiaHui for dinner and go PowerHouse le! wonder how it will be like. i go alone. ): gonna go there and i cant imaging what God will speak to me. gg to tell Him all im sad about now. im Sad, totally sad. what to do? how? why?

*e feeling is terribe. will i be alright, FULLY? im tired of that irritating sound in my ear.

Hmms. Arg! i Miss my Bed. Left home for 2 days. stay at my aunt home. But i gonna say that staying in her house is so Peaceful, at that time, how i wish... went to take cares of my cousin cos my aunt inside hospital but discharge le. doc scan sth inside her stomach ar. Lord, i pray that Your Healing will come upon her. and this 2 days wake up at 630AM to bring my cousin to sch. and i feel like im her "mum". haha! and her bag is so HEAVY! den ytd bring her to pizza, woah~ thank God for e Blessing. (: andand, im super 'PEK CHEK' about sth. itchy hand! i went to delete away e foto i took this 2 days. i LOVE it loads but i deleted it not purposely but BU XIAO XIN de. and i was like. NO! and i was like telling myself, aiyo! Kim ar Kim. Stupid, delete away for? and i tot of sth, "some thing once delete cannot be found back, but some thing that u wanna delete away cannot delete." i belive u all know what im talking about. *PEK CHEK!* ):

Hmms. and i give up finding my memory card le. really give up, i brought a new de. wasted! so can don play for my memory card le. and about my sch, what can i say? i dono leh. 2nd week le. ehh, and i dono what to say le, cos i forgotten what i wanna say. aiyo. nvm. tmr got talk, dono talk what, talk talk talk. but still, got longy break. and cher tell us time table changing next week. arg! why change? now time table quite slack ehh. =D but 2 module quite hard also. aiyo. don understood. huh here and there. anw, i fall down from my chair. Pain. but not as bad. still can walk and everything.

and i think and think and think that it really God's timing and all. cos as u know, CGM will be changing to sun le instead of fri. so actually i planning to work on sun and sat cos after svc can chao ButBut now i cant cos sun got CGM le mah. i cant run away. but 1 thing it let me know that i cant plan on my own timing, i cant run away from e suitation. but most pro will be working on wkdays. i pray hard that my time table will start early and end early. but not 1hr to sch only, PLEASE. just like today, go BFD for 1hr den home. Lame. so ya, i'll see how. maybe also can work, after svc and cgm lor. i know someone will kill me.

* can i delete e memories that push me down?

Hmms. Oh no! think and think and still think im 'desperate' for sth. sth that me and u cant imaging. wait, know ur mind will be thinking of "HelloKitty and Mango" right, but no. its not that. of cos i cant say it out cos it too obvious but i know time will tell. (: but im more desire for His Presense overflowing me. im more desperate for on e walk w Daddy God. im more to His anointing to come upon me. His wisdom, His Peace, His Love, His Strength, His everything!

Hmms. and yea, "Multipication" is somehow a scary word or even a Joyful word to me. Scary bcos if u'll to sperate from ur loves one in e cg(my dearest ones, u know who u all are). but Thank God if really same cg w e person u want but its impossible. or rather u can say that if u can choose who u wan to be tgt in e CG but God gonna say, 'my child, sit down and wait'. its impossible, it is not our decision. and we must step out on out own comfort zone so we can breakthru in our life. But Joyful bcos firstly it could be a best decision or rather a breakthru in e CG. many frens is saved and have retention so multiply. but i just feel that for this time, its diff, not frens. and yea, im super burden of this CG right now. and i can tell u i can understand Yuzhen's feeling.

Hmms. and i do not know what God is gonna plan for me. i really dono. i doesnt know. But one thing i know is His Plan are always best for me. i cant imaging, and i do not want to imaging also. i know for sure that my walk w Him are getting closer and closer. and to my Bro and Sista in W362, Thank You for all this while. thou i still don really know u all much and im sorry. But u guyz are just like part of me. Your Love Your concern towards me. and to some special ones, Thank You for always here for me. when i down when i sad, u all know. and im sorry for this few mths that i was rather down by certain thing. and im really sorry that i never been a good sista towards u guyz. if there's still chance, i will be a good sista. and we still have 1 mths to be tgt, 4 more CGM 4 more svc tgt. and i really pray that during this 8 days tgt, it can built e memories and e relationship. and i really pray that we'll treasure this 8days tgt. and i dono how much u guyz treasure this relationship but i wanna tell u that I TREASURE ALOT. and I Love all of You!

*Tears flow down, Fear came in, Loneliness came in But i gonna be Strong!

Hmms. what can i say but to say i had an great CGM. today was diff from normal CGM, for me. His Presense is totally there. i can feel His Presense every single second and min. to me, its a Breakthru. but i believe it can go on to e next level, an even greater level. to encounter Him more and closer. im waiting for e day. i can imaging, really. i pray and i pray that my walk w Him will even get closer, i pray that there's no emo-ness, i pray that i wont think negative tots. and i dono ar, but i desire after Him. i really want Him, i really need Him, Lord! Im crying out more and more of You, Fill me again w Your Holy Spirit. my heart is Heavy. e burdenness in my heart is burning like fire. how i wish i can just see Him face to Face now. cos i need Him!

and yea, Yuzhen said about Multipication. i believe its a good thing ar. to my Beloved bro and sista in W362! i believe all of us will feel e "pain and worries" that u'll be seprated from e ppl that is close to u. But why worries, why fear? still in same Church, same Daddy God. i dono ar, e 1st thing came in my mind is 'not again, Daddy God.' But think of it, it'll a good thing thou. seriously speaking i doesnt want but we've to multiply. and i really cannot think what God gonna plan, i've fear in my heart for this multipication but at e same time im happy cos i really very burden for this CG. e attendace and everything. Lord, Let Your Love flow thru everyone of us. Oh Daddy God!

OhOh! im happy. 1st time share in cgm asin those who are there know what im talking about. share about our Spiritual Family just like e ants. and ya, i Love W220, i Love W362. and of cos, i Love Everyone, i Love my Classmate now. i wish can know em betta as time goes by. i pray that i can built a closer relationship w em. Oh Daddy God, i Lifting everyone up into Your Lovely Hands. (:

*Take me to e Place where only me and You.

Hmms. aiyo! after so many days, finally i get some time to sit down and blog. actually, can say that im lazy or rather no time, no time is an excuses. den Pst is counted what, SUPER BUSY? no ar, cos i also forget what i do this week. and i really dono why i nowsaday will forget sth. my brain not working? use to have STM. seriously, i doesnt know why become forgetful. even forgot that mon need to submit report and forecast and BlahBlah. stupid brain. what's wrong w my head or rather brain? but one thing i super sad is 'i cant find my memory card.' im gg to get mad and crazy, find and find but don have. just don have. i cant rmb where i PUT! Oh God, reflash back e time where i last take my memory card. Pls, Pray for me to find back my memory card or my door is open for u so that u can help me find also. :x i really seriously need it BADLY.

Hmms. andand. sch ar. okok ar. don think that i only have 2 module den can relac hor. actually e module are super diff. more on therory. Daddy God, i NEED YOUR WISDOM to pour down on me! e time are quite relac i can say and e break are super wasting for those who didnt take OFA. and i just feel like half way thru, cher i really don wanna cont le, can i leave? i DON even understand what cher is teaching, or rather e class, all 'HUH'. and Daddy God, i really need Your Wisdom to be upon me. i dono how im gg to hang thru this 2 year w loads of memorise and of cos understanding. But God, i know and i know You're w me and i'll sure score well in my GPA. But God, im w/o CCA, so i pray that if i really get to Poly(if can but don think i want) cos of some reason. den i pray that e sch will accpet me ar.

Hmms. and yea. 5 days in sch le. Bored and Werid cos of classmates. didnt know em. *stranger. but today not bad i can say. exchange numbers and numbers w some of em. all i can say is they super cute! and really pray that i can know em betta cos it gonna be 2 years w em. and e class is 'Peaceful", asin quiet when cher is teaching and i pray it'll cont cos 1st week only mah e class sure quiet de. but for e rest of e mths, im not sure ar, lets see. But hope not so quiet where no one is talking. But cher is funny! and i think i get e ans of my question, "Why?"

~PS: Sorry, will reply taggies soon. gonna go out soon. CGM tonight! i want go POWERHOUSE!

*Daddy God, Pour Your Wisdom, Strength, Love, Peace on Me, O Lord!

Hmms. Past few weeks. Pst preach de sermon was awesome! and this week during svc, His Presence is SO strongy! seriously. i can feel His Presense everywhere! even when Pst Kong is playing Guitar. Tears and Tears are flowing out my eyes non-stop. Somehow God ans my Prayer. and was wondering and wondering. and was doing my quiet time past few days and i cant imaging that i can pray for 45min. for me its a breakthou. a new start, a new beginning. it remind me that i cant take God for Granted.

and there's still things which are meant to be unsaid. just like what i said, no one will understand how i feel. just no one. *PS: im not emo! :x just that even thou i said alot of things but there's alot of things still being unsaid. and i cant get myself out of it. im tired, really tired. just wish to hide in one corner where no one can ever find me. where i don need stress up w, where i don need to worry about, where i don need to wondering about, where i don need to think about it! But can i? No, i cant. Prayed and Prayed and Prayed but still things arent changing. i really want back myself.

and i might be deciding to work part-time le. but of cos i'll know what will happen nah. like for ex, it'll affect my 'fellowship w cg members FOR SURE'. and i really dono how le ehh. but to just go work part-time lor. and was thinking of joining back VBall. and if i really do, think i don need rest le, but this Path that i choose i should know what will happen. i just wanna pack myself w loads of loads of busy stuff and stressed up myself.

*now, all i wanna do is to go to one place, "Beach".

Hmms. after so long, back to sch once again! and when i know which class im in, im so sians 1/2!! seriously, in my heart i ask God, "God! WHY? WHY? WHY?" all e day i kept asking God, WHY? have no mood seriously. totally stranger! diff class w 'KELLY TAN and CAI PEIQI!' and im all ALONE! *Btw, thanks Dar for e msg, Loves You ALWAYS! ask cher for e swopping BUT cant. and cher say sth like, 'nvm one la, meet new frens, new envoirnment mah, diff class nvm de still can go out tgt mah.' i was like... wah cher! u dono nah! But God, WHY? i seriously feel like crying, and yea, i can tell u, ITS WORTH e tears. and aiya, u all dono how i feel.

But HNitec de module is lesser den Nitec ar. this term i only take 2 module. actually got 3 but cos my Nitec got one course i get 'A' so don need to take that this module, and i thank God that im one of em that doesnt need to take. so 2 module! and e timing is like okok lor. quite relac and e break someday i have long break cos i don need to take OFA. and someday late go sch cos i no OFA mah. so Thank God for that! andand, still couldnt get over e class that im seprated w em nah. ARGGG!

and maybe is according to God's timing bah. maybe its time for me to step out my own comfort zone and meet new frens and most imptly is to win em to Christ? but im not that kind of will talk de if u never talk to me. BUT GOD! no, You don understand! NO! Daddy God! How? at that time i wish i could just left e course and QUIT! BUT..... haiis. and CCA drive is tmr! Join back VBall? Yes/No? i dono!!!! ARGGG!

*till now, im still asking God 'WHY?'

Hmms. and ytd midnight. was wondering. was thinking. u wont imgaging how many she wonders that she wrote in her sermon notebook. wonder this and that. let me share some and its only some:
*she wonder why she cant do Great things for her Daddy God? *she wonder why she's not born to another family? *she wonder why HKitty doesnt have mouth? *she wonder why she's so short? *she wonder why she stay at Singapore? *she wonder why ppl treat her like a small little gal? *she wonder.........

Some, She wondering... and a Smile came out. (: Some, She wondering... and tears flows out her eyes. )': she wonder and wonder and she fall asleep. but one thing that make her laugh is she wonder why everyone treat her like a small little kids. everywhere she go, ppl will say she's a small little gal. in sch, in volleyball cca, in CG, working, in frens or even at home. or even stranger ppl will just ask me, 'are u sec 1 this year' or come to worst part is pri sch. and i was like. NoNo. Please, im gg to be 18! *its good to be young but not so young, please. (:

And she was wondering why cant she bring her HKitty to svc to cgm. wondering if HKitty received Christ and she also worship during worshipping, rasing up her hand. and say 'Amen!'. couldnt be great? and if that e case, i Thank God for that cos i got one new fren! Praise God! and everywk, i got acc le. HKitty will take bus and train w me tgt to cgm and svc. and i don need to worries stress over my Connect group le. cos just one HKitty stay in my Connect Group, i'll be Super happy. cos just one soul will make a smile in my heart.

*i wish, but will it come truth?

Woah~ Hmms. just came back from supper. Yes, Supper! Had an Great time w Kelly, Joel and Hongjun! (: but i kena bluff cos i went toilet and they left w my bag. and heard that it was HongJun's idea. Great Job, HongJun! =D lets have more supper! but go back must careful careful, loads of ABNN. Scary but fear not cos God is w me. Yea? before that went for BS. Yea, BS is always AWESOME! can learn loads of things and Presense of God is so strongy. e teacher is so funny too. can laugh until fall. *Doer of e Word!

Hmms. and He said sth like *Dont ever say u've no choice, cos Jesus died to give u a choice! Jesus died e worst possible death for human, for us. on e cross, don think He died on e cross its easy, u cant even imaging how worst. everyone of us like to make an excuse that they've no choice but to do this and that. they got no choice! but what do they mean by 'no choice'. But now we have a choice cos Jesus died to give us a choice. and now we got no excuse to say we got no choice ar. and we must Be Humble too. have a Think skin and a thin hearty. *i want to be Obedience den God can start working in me and i'll start to Shine like e Stars in e universe!

AndAnd, saw a verse last 2 weeks during BS lesson. and i was like. alrights.. in 1 Cor 12:26 said that "And if one member suffers, all e members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all e members rejoice with it." and everytime i was waiting for bus at my house bus stop. i always saw 'Ants' at e dono what thing ar. and i realise that they're like this verse. cos when one Ant die/injured, some of e Ants will carry e dead/injured Ant to dono where, maybe bury e dead Ant? and e rest of e Ants was like running ard to ask for help. or rather today i saw e Ants carry "food" tgt and share it tgt. thou i cant hear what they talk but can see that they're really working as one "family". can see those who are running ard calling for help w tears. and if e verse said that if one member suffers, ALL e members suffers w it too. and feel that this is just like our Spiritual Family too. will ALL members suffer w that one person who suffered, or will ALL members Rejoice w that one person who rejoiced? ok, u can say not all but some? or even fellowship, did u make an effort to go for e fellowship that is planned? i was thinking it could be great if CG will be like e ANTS?

*Obedience and God see it and He'll start working in us and we'll Shine like a Stars!

Hmms. time really flys. 4mths of break finally gonna end soon. 1 more wk and im back to sch. am i excited? i dono. i doesnt know how Hnitec gg to be like. if i don wanna contiune i also must finish my 1st sem cos i alrdy paid e sch fee le. But i know some of em will kill me if i don wanna studies anymore. fear came in e moment i think of sch. thou it can kill my time at home but i doesnt know how my sch fee in e rest of my 2 years are gonna to be. its e very 1st time i paying sch fee by myself and getting all stuff that is needed for sch. and i envy those child that their parent is paying for them. or even doc's fee. and suddenly i feel like im all alone w/o parents. and feel like im finally become adult le.

and seriously. i really wanna thank God for all e things that He've done in my life. He know e desire in my heart. Ytd, my aunty Blessed me a MP3 which i wish for to kill my boreness everytime while on e train to church or CGM le. thou its not she brought it but she gave it to me. she blessed me w e MP3. thou doc advice me not to listen to loud and go to noisy places which will hurt my ears. but don worries, i wont open it too loud. and beside that svc is always loud so no points ar. and during this 2 weeks. i got blessing from my relatives. i counted. total is $95! to me is alot! and tot of it, i can buy one crumpler bag! know someone gonna kill me cos i kept saying 'crumpler bag'. haha!

God is Good! finally last 2 weeks. i've alrdy completed my BF le. and really very happy that i can work and think of ways and ways to save up money for my BF. and finally it's COMPLETED! Praise e Lord! and even before and after completing my BF, Little Little Blessing and Blessing is upon me. God really open e window of Heaven and pour down His blessing to me. God is my Provider. there's no day that i really in lack. and just last week, receive my bills and 1st time i was shock that it was $105! and in my heart i told God. HOW? and i just feel like giving up my CGC and everything stuff that needed to call members. But God remind me that 'all this scarifrice that i've made for HIM, He'll never forget and He'll never shortchange me." and really. i really thank God for everything that He've given me.

*e key is to "Keep trusting and Giving Him".

Hmms. today svc was super Awesome. Love Pst Tan's Preaching. awesome. super awesome! "Build to Last, Mindset, Thinking w Excellent!" all this i think i need to think thru once again. what is happening in my life? after hearing messages and messages, i doesnt want to be a hearer of e Word BUT a Doer of e Word. Yea, this few mths is not a rather good for me but i can be a Overcomer. Just like e donkey of e story. i want to shake away all e dirt in my life, and step out of e stone. Kim! its time to really wake up and go towards e race. why emo, why sad, why worries, why troubles. why? *Be strong and of good courage. Stand up once again to be what God want me to be. not a emo kim, not a sad kim, not a worries kim, not a trouble kim, not a disappointed kim and etc.

Am i willing to paid e Price? i will. for Him, i will. Keep walking, Keep Praising Him. *e most impt time to Praise e Lord is when i least feel like Praising Him. Just like what i said, i doesnt know what will happen next, e truth is e truth, fact is still e fact. i cant change it. But one thing i know is He plan everything for me. placed me for a reason. for a purpose. Do things in Excellence.

Hmms. and yea, after svc went to watch "Rule #1!" Cool! awesome too. i guess its my 1st and my last to watch that kind of movie? haha. cos aiyo. very nice movie ar. stupid me forget to bring my cardigan den i cant find anything to hide plus beside me is a stranger and beside is YenLi. so i closed my eye. :x *nightmare. scary nah. jump alot of time cos of e sound and e gal. :x and yea, Bro Poh music are awesome too. (: and thank God for e Protection on my way home. and thank God there's still Bus. Prayers work. everyone reached home safety. (: more to go.

*i Love You, i Need You. i'll never let You go. My Jesus.

Hmms. CGM just now and its was kinda great thou. every CGM was awesome for me. But was thinking in my heart again. having stupid and silly thoughts. *what is my visions and Dreams for Him? think and think, its that really my calling? and i imaging. i can imaging how great how good that im gg to run towards this calling but in e meantime i was fearful. and of cos tribulation and things that i cant imaging will pop up my life during this period but one thing i just need to do is 'keep Praising Him and Keep on walking'. want to know what is that calling? hmms. don tell u. :x

and if u guyz rmb that i once wrote in my blog's entires. *i cant serve Him when i got a Heart that is falling. and i really dono ar. i really can imaging how great it'll be but on e other side, sth just tell me, are u sure u can? Its easy to think but its hard to do. all this need scarifice de. can i? and again, i feel that im taking God for granted. Daddy God. im sorry. no matter how many 'sorry' that i said, its still cant be a good child of urs.

Just like what i said, i doesnt know what will happen next. but i got a feeling that who will i go. no matter who God have placed me in, i'll still go. Be a sheep of that person. i doesnt want to be a Goat that is a loner, that is wondering ard. But i want to be a Sheep that know where im gg and following to. and its according to His reason and Purpose. His timing. i cant change it but to obey. i've no choice. at times, i just wish to run away, hide myself but no matter how i hide or run, He'll still find me. Let God decide everything.

*e tears that i've shed, You've kept it in Your Love container.

Hmms. NoNo :x Please, i want to be Healed! Giddiness, Headacheness is returning back. all thanks to ME! i din have an proper meal equal to i doesnt have an proper eating med timing. this wk can say that i only touch e med for once. imaging 1 day=6pills. 5days=30pills. so i only ate 2 pills. thats cool! i treated e med has no longer exsist in my life. and thats e result to what im suffering right now. ButBut that time i rmb e doc said 'its for ur ear'. butbut also can help my giddiness. soso i never hear e dc advice but skipped my meal and e med. so now e person who is suffering is myself.

couldnt get up on my comfortable bed and i know its comfortable w all my HKitty ard. all i can is stay in my bed watching tv. cant stand up to go over to brush my teeth. but now betta i can "force" myself to my chair and on e com. but still got e giddiness dwelling in me. its terrible. super terrible. just wish someone is in e house right now and ask e person to use sth to hit on my head and let me sleep. feel like vomiting. i pray that i'll be alright soon cos i need to go CGM later de nah! have 2 med le and off to rest now.

*terrible terrible feeling that lead me to Heaven.

Oh God Oh God! i know i've been thinking stupid thoughts, stupid feeling. and i believe all this are gonna GO AWAY soon. now i just need to find back myself. e real ME! Please get back soon!all e thoughts of stepping down as CGC and feeling that i cant even imaging and worst still, im thinking back of e old decision i use to have. wanting to go Heaven now! came to a point where i doesnt know where to go but Heaven. but another side was thinking, when i go Heaven now, what will God say to me?

there're still things which are unsaid. but e heavy heart that i have no one will ever understand. and i just wish to hide in one side and double think of it. i just feel like hiding myself from God, from ppl who love me, ppl in e cg. one word, i just feel useless, stupid and so on and so forth. i doesnt know what will happen next but all this are God's Planning. i know i let alot ppl down by saying all this. But where's e Kim that everyone see in e past? i really dono. but please. give me some time still.

*it is said to have a Smile but inside it doesnt.