Hmms. days and days, weeks and weeks have pass by. and i still couldnt get rid of my 'emo'. all my disappointment, sadness, and everything still inside my heart. my Joy has run away cos of all this. tiredtiredtired. so tired to think of all thing. which are not meant to think. so sick of it. i couldnt breathe alrdy cos my heart is full of all this. actually is 100% of Joy, passion, excitement. and now i don think have. not even 0.01%. no. Stress up in everything in my life. how i wish i could left this world with peace. everytime when i think of e past, it really diff. totally not e same, but now, look am i right now. i don even know who am i le. a gal with like no life le?

there was once i asked God, "God, Why? how come u put me in this kind of life. with this kind of family." God im really tired. and how i wish i could just go straight to Heaven and find You? and when i saw You, i'll Hug You super tight and i'll wept. and something told me that, im not a Good Child. When Jesus saw me He wont Hug me he'll push me away. and im left all alone. no one Loves me. My Parents never Loves me. Everyone will say, Yes, They do but only they never show, no, don tell me all this. i heard until i don wanna hear le. and now, Daddy God, if u don wan me, who could want me? i feel that im all alone in e darkness like no body child. Hmms. and everything everything has gone case. I NEED YOU! Falling at Your Feet! Daddy God, I Just need You! Many say im emo this few days. actually im not emo, im acting. *like real*.

now all i wan to do or rather where i wan to go is 'BEACH!' i wan to shout everything out! *head pain for dono how many days le. my old sickness have return back. feel like vomiting and my head super giddy. not got alrdy hor! please! is i dono why also, i last time kept having this type of prob. never go see doctor cos mum sure say waste money. so ya. gonna go for next lesson le. Buaii!

Hmms. i doesnt know what to say now. all i can say is im so 'Disappointed'. Yes, im Disappointed. No one knows how e feeling is like. no one will ever feel it cos they din go thru before. maybe for some of u may think it just a small matter. but i really tired le. seriously. what can i do? now, nothing will lighten up me again. not even anything, any jokes. whenever im feeling down, i’ll hug my HelloKitty. and my HelloKitty so poor thing cos it cover all my tears. and no one will ever understand what e feeling. not even my HelloKitty know how i feel cos she is a HelloKitty. But God, why? I cant carry on le.

i feel that im like a person with no life. a person that dying in e inside. a person that doesnt know what to do. a person that finding way to kill herself. but did not success. Who am i now? I doesnt know. no one knows. Deep inside my heart, there’s a Hurt. A very Deep Hurt that no one can see it. and im so tired in everything ard me le. sch have been so dono what to say. and this 2nd semester, all e module like cannot make it, no word can get into my mind. and i just feel like why not give up? cos everything is mess up. there’s test every wk, and final exam is reaching ard e corner le. less den 1mth. and also i cant concentrate cos of one person. always angry me and one person for nothing. and i dono what to do. all i can is let her be bahs. im tired. im not sure i can get e GPA i wanna. but if i couldnt, i highly wanna go take Private Diploma. But think of it, its very ex. need $, do i have it? if i really taking Private Diploma, i might considerate of gg to work part time job.

and Gastric is giving me a lot of problem nowadays. but all Thanks to me also. cos i din had a 3 proper meal. 1day 1 meal or rather 1day no meal. but got eat bread. But wait, im not on any diet or whatever. Alright? and also, headace. it has been a few days. why headache? if u know means u're clever. if u dono means u're also clever but not so clever. But cry doesnt help. seriously, cry will only make ur head super pain and headace. cry doesnt solve e prob but couldnt control e tears. i cant!

and i didnt online or on my com for one week le. cos no wire. if want to on com den have to change wire. so ya, no wire. so couldnt online. and also couldnt go into my blog. so cant see anyone tag. some may tot i MIA. ya, i wanna to. i going to. its all depend on me. But i dono why i sat end up in CGM, and sun, i end up in svc. seriously. i doesnt know why im there. don ask me why. alright, gonna stop everything here le, get back to work. later got test. *Humph!*

Hmms. Everything seem to be very mess up! i've really come to e point le. seriously, some may know that i thinking of 'BS(not Bible study)' le. cos i told them, but think of that i tell myself, im really stupid to tell them cos they'll sure know de mahs. but seriously, im serious about it. now, im not joking of that but i really serious about it. some ppl will sure ask me what happen BUT im so sorry, i wont tell anyone de. i don intent to tell anyone what is going on or rather how i feel. i feel that i have lost e passion le. budden e funny thing is i dono why i still like u know now it has become a habit to help, to call up ppl, fellowship, to go for CGM and svc. its a habit. budden now, when i think of 'BS' den i cant get out of my hand cos my hand, my heart is like. like what i told u, it has become a habit. and ytd night, sud something came into my mind that 'why'? 'no point'?

and i really have been 'emo' for dono how many weeks le. emo emo go away, don come again! how i wish, i can have loads of money, and i'll fly to a place where no one can find me. a place where i can be alone. and for sure i wont go Japan cos i know most of them know that my Dream country is there cos there got HelloKitty mahs. cos they will sure go there find me if i really have loads of money. But instead i'll go to a place where no one can find me. But too bad, i just don have the money. =(

and i 'decided' to go to work on sat n sun. but of cos i will know what will happen. what thing i'll lose out. my Love for God will fade. my passion, my everything. But now, im thinking of 'BS' le. so i can use "work" as an excuse. and ya. its not right! BUT..... as i say everythign is MESS up. i don even know what im doing now. or rather what im thinking now.

*andand Guess what! Final exam alrdy know le. it on dec e 1st week. wahs. everyone heard le. faint! seriously. FastFastFast!! im worries for my exam! arghh! BEO den follow by POA. both haiis. nvm. Study Hard!

Hmms. Surprise? im here to update. Hmms. im at at my cousin house. Sian, really sians. actually every sat there is CG but CG is counted as ytd bahs. so ya lor. but actually today susppose to meet up w terry for lunch de den in e end cancel so ya lor. im free! super free! so ya, den i was thinking, arghhs! Sians. den i decided to follow my mum go my aunties house. so im here. My com really cannot make it. seriously. i really wanna burn my com. arghh! so i gave up my com le.

Hmms. and ya, a few more week. just a few more weeks. God, i may know where im be le. But God, it is ur decision . even i say i don wan. God, im rejecting u. God. i know u've place me at there mean im there le. t1s ti heard le, ya, i may don wanna go. e 1st reaction is 'GOD!'. i don wan. But God, it ur choice, i'll follow. at 1s ti told myself, i don wan to go alrdy, but God, i go bcos of You not cos of ppl. although ther'll be ppl im close with but no one no what im thinking. But i tell myself that i cant stay in one place forever. someday, we will mutiply and go to other way. But God. It is You who im following. no one else.

Hmms. and things arent just not right. im feeling EMO whenever im all alone! so cannot make it. i HATE it! Yes, i HATE this. when im all alone, i'll EMO. i'll think of those thing which im not suspose to think. and i'll cry.everytime i'll use 'my smile' to cover away 'my sadness'. why? cos i don wan ppl to know im Sad. i don wan ppl to see that im EMO. Emo and sadness is a devil. and im surferring under it. so irritating! and so ya. nth will heal my heart. NOTHING. i justneed to Touch from You, God! Help me. i'll Trust in You. whenever im afraid, i'll trust in You!

Hmms. Morning Guys! Im Here, Yes, Im here! =) Here to update! finally, there's new post. =X actually i did update ar, it u all dono. =X and ya, let me cut short everything. i wanna bang wall alrdy, seriously. not only me wanna bang wall. i believe stan and gouwei also wanna bang wall. not only bang wall. we wanna vomit!! cos my com very pek chek, my com really cannot make it le. but Thanks so much for helping me with e "virus". But in e end, my internet and msn couldnt get it. but was able to connect. but internet show "The Page cannot be displayed." and msn "Troubleshoot". Tell me how! i really wanna burn and throw my com from e top floor to 1st floor. =X really cannot make it. den how am i going to online, do project, and anything anything else? arghh! =X

Hmms. and ya, yz said before, there might be 'some changes' in e CG. until now, i kept 'an wei' myself that its good. ya, its good, cos ppl wont feel left out. cos one big grp contain alot of ppl, for sure some ppl will feel left out de. so ya, and ya, for sure, im gonna miss those Brothers and sista. im thinking, 'what if' im not in e same CG as those ppl im close with. tell u, i'll CRY! no ar, joking. im with W220 for 1year6mths le. den sud ya, i'll for sure not feeling good. but why not i turn to another point that its good la, cos it really not healthy staying forever liddat mahs. so on e side im telling myself its good but on e side im really cant bear e like leave them. but ya, its good! Here, i wanna tell my Brothers and Sista in W220 and W362. Even thought there might be some changes, But we still in one same Family. we're still in e same Church tgt serving God. we've Same Heavenly Father and Jesus! alright, so ya, no matter what e result is 'i'll LOVE u guyz" cos u guyz are so great. even thought we have just combined but i Thank God for this relationship that i have with u guyz. and Thanks JiaHui too for everything! I LOVE U ALL!

Hmms. and ya, while im bathing, i tell myself to "trust God once again.' God, i really need a Breakthru from u. God, Help me, God! i really doesnt know what to do le. so i FAST. im believing for e breakthru in my Financial, my walk with u and everything everything. God. Please, i really need a Breakthru. Nth is impossible for You! and i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengeth me. "Whenever im Afraid, i'll trust in You!."

*alright, gonna zhao le. Thanks for everything. Take Cares! =D

Hmms. its has been a long time since i use "BLOGGER" to update my blog le. Anyway. i GOT update my blog but its at my "Me0wMe0w's Wordpress". Anyway, sch reopen le. Sians. BORING! wake up actually don feel like gg to sch le, but no CHOICE! gonna go. arghhs! den sch reopen is good cos don need slack at home but very Sians need to wake up early. if can go sch den wake up anytime u wan. Good ehh! =D But anyway, i always tell all e 'student', Jiayou! You're e Head and not e tail, and Be e Light that Shine for Jesus.! =) But i only tell ppl but i never remind myself. arghhhs! But anyway, only left 7 week. that mean 1mth plus den exam le! arghhhs! prepare to die. 7week! can u imgaing? but e good thing is i can have hols for 4 mths? and grad from NITEC! Praise e Lord!

Hmms. another thing is. * im just a normal gal. there're really betta gal outside. im not e ONLY gal. But why? a person must really have to get e heart right when more den one person 'like' her. its really confuss. years and years, i found out that ...................... But worst thing is what if both of em is "very Good Fren" or rather their relationship is very good until cant good le? cos of one gal, break their relationship. and i really feel very bad. But im just a normal gal. but really, can anyone tell me "how to reject a person w/o hurting e person"?? alot ppl ask me how come i never get attached before? cos i believe that when Time is right. God will let me get attached. and ya, "Time will tell". alright? =D

But anyway. More to go. But will be blogging at my "Wordpress". so ya. gonna to my proj le. =) and really boring and tiring at sch! and ya. tmr no sch! Good things! =D