Hmms. Its really hard to keep everything in myself. its really really really hard. in e end, i'll die in e inside. or rather die in e outward. and its really hard to find someone who u can talk to. i cant find anyone to talk to expect my Hellokitty seriously. everyone has it own prob. and i couldnt wan to add it their burdens or trouble. but i really really really. i feel that my life has really come to e end le where i doesnt know where im gg. its really come to e end that even my ownself doesnt find any purpose and doesnt really know who i am. I've lost everything. I've e "Joy, Happiness, purpose and everything everything". HEY! im tired. super tired. tired until come to a point where i really wanna to give up in everything le. "IF ONLY" i could find back my Everything.

Hmms. "IF ONLY", one day just one day will do that my Family gather tgt just to have dinner or Lunch or Breakfast tgt. Just one day. Yes. just one day will do. and im really satisfy le. seriously. Yes, im sad when i see everyone of e Family gather tgt. Every Sunday, Everyone could just go back home and eat Dinner with Family. and i could just slack at home. and im always don feel like gg back so early on sunday de. so u wont be surprise everytime when u see me in e Fellowship aft svc, for sure i'll stay de. But everyone gonna go back to have dinner with Family. But its alright. *si guan jiu hao.*

Hmms. and until now, there's no news of him. issit good or bad news? what news i wan? Good or bad? i really dono. im also very trouble by this thing and i have nothing to say of him le. Yes, of cos im SAD of this thing. and im really tired le. Seriously. it happen and happen again. when does it gg to stop? until he die or until i die? if there's a choice. i could choose that i'll die 1st. u wont know what will happen in e end. *Hopeless!*.

Hmms. and i wont blogging cos hols is next week and my house cant log in asin my blogger couldnt sign in so ya. and here im goona end.

`strong in e outside but weak in e inside.

Hmms. Finally! my grooming exam is over and over le. but there's another exam coming. dono what "handshake" de. so *d0ts. but its ok. don need use any money can le. =X if not really gonna find job le. =X but anyway. e exam is alright. cher say "my bag is too big for me cos e bag is bigger den me and e bag not suitable for interview. and my heal TOO short. =X cos im too short alrdy must wear even high de. =X aiyo. i sians half way. budden also truth la, cos im SHORT mahs. =X

Hmms. i wonder where he's now? he might be at somewhere in e world? i pray that he's still alive. God, i pray that You'll protect Him. God, You don need take cares of me But please take cares of Him for me. Please, Lord! i doesnt know what im thinking. when he never call me, i just MISS him. But when he call me, i scare until like dono what liddat. what happen? sometime i'll always tell myself that i hate e police. budden i somehow realise that it is good. BUT still there's no change. still contiune. liddat and liddat. why in e world, got that "things". and all along, he's all alone by himself. did i ever care for him? did i ever do my part? i din, i din. my heart breaks when i see him entering e hospital, and e blood and e pain although he never show. But i know! u know how i wish i can take over his place and how i wish i'll be e one who go to hospital. But now, i don even know where he is le. den i should be happy? cos no longer, no one disturb me or anything le. But somehow, i just miss him. everytime someone could just tell me about him, i'll just like don care liddat but actually u doesnt know what is in my heart. budden i really dono what happen. no one could understand. But he really break my heart cos he lie to me again and again. and i tell myself i could never believe him again.

*i could never be happy if i have all e problems, troubles, sadness, stress and everything everything. and sch i don even know i will be able to get into Higher Nitec. cos this semester de module really kinda hard. really cannot make it. i really scare. and i really stress and worries of my studies, my life, my walk with God. cant even get into my mind. no matter how i study also couldnt get into my mind. dono what "Brain" i have. Prepare to die lor. im really very tired of all this things le. i wanna get rid of all this troubles! everynight, tears are just like tapping water. flowing loads of water in my eye. soon you'll see Kim's eye gonna get swollen and become even swollen.

`a gal with a broken-heart.

Hmms. today sians half way. wake up early. den when wanna go out den when i open my door. wahs! cannot make it. e wind super cannot make it. super big until cannot big le. den i sian half way. cos all my hair MESSY. =X e wind blow and blow and blow. den i super PS cos e lift got ppl den they tot i gg where cos im wearing "office wear"? den they was looking and looking. den i go bus stop, even PS cos alot ppl looking at me. den i was like. ok? don look at me ok? den hor. e rain make me more irritating cos my foundation all gone cos e rain kena until my face mahs. den liddat lor. but its alright ar. later touch-up! =X but later make up, si le la, dono can make it mahs. =X

Hmms. But anyway. cannot make it. i think and think alot. dono what happen to me! whenever think will tears. and whenever tears will eye swollen! cannot make it. but thank God now not swollen if not later make up not nice de ar. =X BUT i still cant stop thinking! irritating la! Budden "HELLO KITTY" im so SORRY cos everytime u must taste my "tears". =X but thank You HelloKitty for always with me whenever i need anyone. HelloKitty, You're always beside me. hearing my trouble and everything. HelloKitty, I LOVE YOU! my BaoBei. no one can take away from me. if anyone take away my BaoBei. i don friend You! =D

*anyone know where's e Kim go? that one always Smile no matter what happen! Where is She? i need to Find back her! Urgent. =X ok, whatever! =X

hmms. tmr is my BEG exam le. office wear plus make-up. si le la. dono can make it mahs. cos i still not really sure how to make. =X i also dono lehs. i dono e result. of cos i dono cos im not yet make mahs. aiyo. but nvm. just liddat lor. don think too much betta. don stress myself! den today got BEO de exam. den don say also know e result. cannot make it. i got study de hor. but still cant get into my mind. cannot make it. really cannot make it. don wanna say. cannot make it mean cannot make it. nothing else.

Hmms. Orh ya. Btw, ytd Pst Nick? was really Awesome! He's so Great. Super Awesome. His Preaching, His story was really touching. He's a encourage person! in short is. He's Awesome! =D Hmms. And Btw. Yea! im so Happy cos Finally 1 year have pass. gonna meet up soon!

Hmms. was reading back my past entires from my blog. and i feel that there was times that im really "Happy" or "Lame" or anything anything. But there will times that i was sad. in life u couldnt know what will happen. u doesnt know what will happen tmr. in e Bible said do not worry about ytd... ya, things may just come liddat. we couldnt know. budden still ya, life still have to go on. or even we MUST treasure this life cos Jesus die on e Cross for us just for our SIN. and our life is Precious.

Hmms. im wondering. Am i your daughter? i also u born de. don tell me im not? don tell me im take from rubbish bin de? why u just don understand me and don see e changes in me? u just don understand and know me! u're just "Zhong nan Qing nui". But anyway, its not u who lent me money de. its bro lent me de. den u shoot me? You said something that hurts me loads. i really tears. Lock up my room! BUT i din bang. i just treat normal and din talk back. but i really Thank God for my bro to lent me, if not i really dono how le. and thank God cos He paid for e printer ink. ok, whatever issit. i know u don Love me. but loads of ppl told me actually u Do. But i don think so. ok, whatever. and now u don Love me. He don wan me. He left me all alone. i don even know where he is. Who want me? Who still Love me? no one. there's no one. Don ever say u Love me when u don mean it. But God Love me. im not trying to 'an wei' myself. But its truth. its stated down in e Bible.

Hmms. alot ppl ask me. "Why u still not attached yet". Hello? my mum never even ask me. budden i also don care ar. cos when time come it will come. but single is still good. cos no prob no quarrel or anything. =X i never say about any couple wor. No Ofference wor! =D But anyway ar. its alright de. "time will tell". =)

Hmms. Nonsense! You may don wan care my previous entires. cos i also dono what im talking about. i know for sure people will come and ask me what happen. BUT please do not ask me cos i'll NEVER ans u de. If u Love me or care for me or whatever, Please leave me alone for that entires. Just treat as Normal. Can?. im just couldnt make up my mind cos i doesnt know what my mind is thinking or whatever. and my mind is just like "san fen zhong change de". so alright. don come and ask me. can?

*Sadness+Scolding=SuperDown=Depression.
*Gastric+Hold in my Heart=Inner pain=Need Inner Healing.

O Lord! i need Your Healing Right now. Im nothing. O Lord, im thinking and thinking again. am i really make a mistake that i've receive You? O Lord! Why do You Leave me all alone. i know in Your words said You'll never leave us alone or forsake us But O Lord! i left nothing, i left nobody But You alone and now You left me all alone. WHY, O Lord! No one Love me. i think and i think and all this came into my mind. and i wept. i wept non-stop for 1 hour. its my longest tears. my tears are just like Tapping water. flowing down non-stop. i cant even stop it. i couldnt close e tap. its so hard and so diff, O Lord! am i really so Bad until You doesnt want me? O Lord! Why? That not me! i ever tot that i've alrdy Baptism le and i tot i'll become more HAPPY den ever. But things arent that den i tot. during this Journey, i tot i'll become MORE HAPPIER. but Lord! WHY? Everytime i try to be Happy But its just a few min only. after reaching home, im totally a Diff person that think alot. i don wan to think of those RUBBISH. i dono how and i dono why. O Lord! How i wish that i can climb to e tallest of e flat and u could saw me. Just like one of e person in e Bible. He Climb to e Tree just to see You, just to let u see his attention. How i wish How i wish, O Lord!

`Nothing can Heal me right now. and i decided to find a job le. but not sure sat and sun will be working. so ya. i don wanna care anything le. anything, please don tell me. cos i don care anything. and please don assume anymore, GUYZ! `