Hmms. *sleepy. look at e time now. its 12:09am! (: Surprise im still awake? ehh. cos tmr no work mah. today i half day also. do until boss have nth for me to do BUT mon need to go back. and she said actually got one thing to do is to call ppl to double check their info. and i was like. huh. serious bo. i don wan calling de leh. i sians alot alot. actually she asked 'can'. actually i want say can i say don wan. but aiyo. and somemore my rec this few weeks. SUPER less and i said again. its SUPER! din even hit 100 or rather din even hit 50! u know. thats less. SUPER! and can u imaging my highest rec was 379! and i was like. last months le leh. haiis. i dono ar.

Hmms. But still. Thank God for e previous paid. cos i got extra $100. (: Praise e Lord! i dono why. and i asked my collegues they say their one is same as what they counted. and i was like saying in my Heart "Thank You Jesus!" (:

Hmms. and Yea. i also dono what to say cos im half dead now. and there're things in my mind. i feel so dono what to say ar. *Sorry Daddy God. there're things that i cant explain/tell but He know everything in my heart. i feel so 'not right' towards God. i fail to do what i need to do. am i a CGC? am i doing my part? am i running toward God's vision? i fall bcos of very lil things like members didnt accountibilty and stuff liddat. and i fall cos of such a lil things. but im cheer up once again when members begin to be accountable. and there was a few times that i told God "im giving up this position". and i really mean it and i told myself i'll tell CGL about it that i've alrdy decide. but something just pop up that i cant leave this and run away. and seriously i dono how le. stressed up.

Hmms. still thinking of W220. how i wish.. i still not yet step out of my "W220" zone. im still living in w220 world where i can really find what is a Family and Love from them. i miss Jiahui's preaching, i miss e Love in w220. i cant find any betta at anywhere but only them. Hmms. alright! nvm. think im gonna be pig le. and i 4 need to wake up again to close my hp. cos need charge for 8hr. =.=''' and finally changed my hp! *$0 but 2 year contract. =.=''' same num. don wanna change my num so that he can find me.

*renewing heart.

Hmms. been down w 'stress, disappointed, discourage, headache, worries, tired etc' this few weeks. or rather mths. didnt get my heart and mind right. Stress up w loads of things. disappointed w loads of things in my CGC. discourage by some ppl. headache of my sickness that i having now. worries about my CGC, worries about my check-up in a few weeks times, worries about loads of things. tired of all e things im doing. all this is so negative. really negative. did i really trust in God? if i do, all this thoughts couldnt been dwelling in me for that long. and no one really know what im gg thru all this period. im keeping all inside of me. i never release to God. and never lift up to Him which i last time use to.

i really have to ask myself. "what is happening?" what is blocking e journey? i have to ask myself to wake up from e all e "thoughts" that i have now. i only have one mind. ya, people may hurts me but Daddy God wont. People Hurts my heart but Jesus Heal my Heart. and till now, i miss W220! i would tell God that if time can rewind, i could treasure everyone in w220 even more. Love them even more. They're a Family that really is a "Family". i found JOY in them. im still living in w220 world.

Hmms. and have been headache and stuff liddat everyday w/o fail. dono what is happening in my body also. but nvm. make sure i'll be alright before sch start! if not i throw away all my HELLOKITTY which is impossible la. (: and my mum asked me to throw away my Hellokitty. den i !@#$!@#$ *ah bushs! NO WAY im gonna throw. and wake up in e morning today and Yea, this song which we sang during svc kept in my mind. Im a fren of God! He's my Fren. MY Forever Fren. My Dear Fren. My Lovely Fren.

*a Rojar mind.

Hmms. wah!!! no comment seriously. this few days de rec super super less. less until u cant imgaging. only 50plus. today i think less den that. Oh God. i need a bed now. i want to sleep on e bed. each day and each day goes by, it getting pain and even painful. and everyday im crying out for God to heal me. which i have alrdy have no faith that i'll be Heal. and seriously. i tell God, why not u let me die straight away. it really very xin ku, u doesnt know how xin ku issit. now half working half dead. dono what happen to my body. but suddenly i tot that when Jesus was on e Cross, it even PAINFUL but He didnt complain or anything. but i complain. i doesnt how to go back after work w e pain that i have now. i feel VERY uncomfortable. really. and i think after i reach home. e 1st thing i do is jump on my bed le but think and think cannot. must sent report 1st. and dinner can forget about it. and after that slack at my bed. 2more hours and i off! pls fast forward e time.

*when will i be FULLY HEAL? now i don worry about my health cos i've alrdy given up.

Hmms. thanks for concern. (: Yea. nth will happen to me de. everytime also liddat and nth happen. im only scaring myself. Fear not for He's w me. but i hope 20March will not so fast reach as i really don wanna go check up. as i seriously 1st time go hospital and check up in my 17 years life. budden when i was a baby not same la and visit people of cos not same. but i scare i ended up in hospital. ehh, stupid kim. ok, im scaring myself only.

budden im wondering, how come e one who is closer to u doesnt really care about u but e one who doesnt have related to u care about u like frens. doesnt care about ur health and stuff. for me, i think that way. ok, can say she doesnt know anything cos i never tell her but e fact is she know my ear got sound and she don even bother to ask or anything. and doesnt know i gg check up but she know e doc gave me a letter. and all she know is to nag me and give her _______. which i rather give to God. so what if my paid is more den her. but i plan to give her le. but she say so less. and i was like. Transport fee, sch fee i need to pay by myself and all my life this is e 1st time i pay my sch fee. and whateva i do, doesnt seem good in her eyes la. everything is badbadbad. no matter how i chn, she don see it. But God does.

and Special Thanks to Yuzhen ar. went her house after OPM to stay over. thanks for e "Milo" and Bread w Egg and ham. i feel so Loved. just like a Motherly Loves. and i realise only my ah ma, my aunties will do all this for me only. but e who one is my real doesnt. how i wish all this is my Mother. but e fact is e fact. so ya.

Finally starting sch in april and no work! means no salary. haiis. dono what im thinking. when working want to go study, when study want go work. anw. i want to chiong for this mth before i end work cos sch start never work le. so all e paid can bear w me thru all this years and also so sad. cannot buy what i want. ):

*My Desire is to be w You.

Hmms. this week or rather this few weeks or even rather mths. i've been sick all e way. Daddy God, i really don wan "a Year of sickness" leh. seriously. so tired. sick is not really a good thing. cos need to see doc and stuff liddat. waste money only. but anw. went polyclinic ytd and book e appt le. my appt will be on 20 March, 11am at SGH. and i was telling yuping that i doesnt want to go check le. and ya. what e result, i dono. i kept telling myself im only scaring myself but in another side, i have fear.

But anw. getting paid in a few days time. and im looking forward to my paid cos i want to know how much i earn. and i counted. make sure got that amt i counted hor. if not i can faint. but anw, thank God for e previous paid ar. cos its what i counted. and yea. paid paid faster come. but also need to give this and that den also don have le. den my sch fee is ALOT for think 1st sem only. and still must pay debts and everything lor. so must SAVE. But no matter what i planning to buy something for myself. so long never buy shirt or anything le so yea this mth! reward myself. but meanwhile must really SAVE.

*things that i wanna buy:
1) 2 Tops
2) 2 Bottoms
3) $98 CUMBBLE(got a small ppl de) Bag for sch and 1 Bag for out.
4) M)phosis Slipper
5) MP3(don think is possible)
6) HP
7) and things which i see at e spot.

Hmms. and yea. want all this things for so long. but nvm. i'll see how my paid. have to settle BF and sch fee 1st before buying all this. ): But its alright!

*e fact is still e fact.

Hmms. Kim is starting sch again on 14 Apr 2008(i think). and will be taking "HNitec Business Admin!". issit e course that i want? i dono. lets see how. will it be very hard? will i be stress again? i dono. Lets see. anw. 1st thing that come into my mind is "SCH FEE". but anw. i don care ar. and again, 2 more years in ITE. or rather if i study hard for Year 1 and get GPA of 4. can go to POLY. but i don think i want cos its rather stress. and i've a "stupid" brain. not working de brain. but nvm. Lets see how. and so happy that Qi is same course as me but Dar haven know yet, *Quick check! but most imptly is Pray that we're in e same CLASS! this one MUST pray le! alright, times passes. dono how's my life in HNitec. Lets see.

*if time can rewind, i'll treasure those times. You're still in my Heart.

Hmms. don feel well right now. don wanna eat my medicine cos i scare later i fall asleep. working but im playing games. don feel like chionging. boring and even bored. leaving 15min early today as i really don wanna stay here and gonna go meet some of em for dinner and off to BS. im wondering what if when i go and visit e doc and e news is bad, what will happen? can i take back my promise, i don feel like gg and see le. its so troublesome. i dono how to go and arg, i really dono. if not i just wait and "d.." lor. and also im tired of praying for myself le, i don have e habit of praying for myself but praying for others. i dono. i don care my head le. stupid head.

Hmms. im sick. terribly sick. and its like i really really cannot take it le cos its very xin ku until i really dono what to do and all i know what to do is sleep in my bed. and i really want to take e knife and kill myself. terrible. i feel so bad that i din take care of my body. Holy Spirit live in me and yet what body i have? My body is e temple of God. i feel really bad. Sorry Daddy God. But i pray that really nothing will happen to me. seriously. im scare. gonna visit 'Specialist' at Polyclinic AGAIN next fri. Thank God YuPing is free to acc me. if not i sure 'huh?' and my mum still scold me for asking her to top up my ez-link. and i was like, ok, long long one time only if not i very "siong" de leh!

Hmms. but anw. Thanks ppl who sms me and sorry i din reply cos i slept le. and i feeling abit betta le. at least betta den ytd. ytd was like, i wanna stand up but cant stood up properly. but still abit weak now. gonna go home and rest in e bed again. and i pray i'll be alright soon! and this sickness lasted for ard 1 mth le. e sound in my ear is irritating, giddiness is terrible, heavy flu is worst, eye is super crazy. all this is ard my head part. so i PRAY in e name of Jesus, that nothing will happen. but don worries guyz, i promise i going to visit e specialist next fri which susppose to be done last week. *haiis, still must waste money! ): but can i don go and see? sure nth de. everytime also bluff me in e end also nth wrong. arg! dono.

im wondering. what causes all this to happen in my body? issit Stress or anything that im facing now? i dono. what happen alrdy happen le. and i was tell God. God, this year i wan "A Year of Trust" not 'A Year of Sickness'. from e beginner of e year i been sick.

*You Broken ALL my Pain away. You're my Healer!

was doing my Quite Time just now. and when i was reading e Word, i dono why just feel like crying. and ya. just feel like crying thats all. and when i finish e word i pray. and i really cry out to God. really cry out, and tears is just flowing out non-stop. i told God. and i wan to re-build my faith again. and im really wan to get on on my feet once again. seriously, i don feel good this few days. my heart is heavy. really heavy. just like what i say, leave me alone 1st. but still, nothing could push me away from Loving God. NOTHING! cos His Love for me will NEVER FAILS!

*Daddy God. i pray i'll be lifted up again.

Hmms. went make-up cell at w459. MISS em SO MUCH! and when Rae pray for me and Edwin and i really feel e Presense of God SO STRONGLY. and i feel more Joy w em when i was w em, seriously and it just like another part of Kim. but how i wish.......

Hmms. and i could like to say a BIG THANK U to Ms Kwek. thanks for e Gift that u've given me. i really appreciate it! its really nice. esp e disc which have loads of songss inside. got "Jap P&W and loads. and its SUPER NICE! THANKS!

*no one knows how it feel. fill me w Your Love.

Hmms. maybe i should settle down. and be alone for e time being. it could be betta if no one ask me am i ok. i could appreciate it. tears could just drop even im singing Praises.

*Daddy God. my heart is heavy. really heavy. nothing can lift me up.

Hmms. time passes. a wind just blow pass me. CNY over lor. and today is Vday. nothing much for me. actually gg out w CG but kinda of lazy and tired but also might be gg out. still decising who to meet CG or ??? but decide later cos im tired. but in e end its still a day passes by. everyday is just a day for me even 12Aug. did i live life to e fullest? one day passes one day. days just passed liddat. am i doing anything? what can i do? im living a boring life. Mon-work. Tues-work. Wed-work+BS. Thurs-work. Fri-CG. Sat-Svc. Sun-Free!! and i realise that my life is only about God. BS, CG and svc only. and work. nth else. someone once asked me, 'what u normally do beside church staff?' and i think and think, like don have le leh. but if sch re-open still e same. only work chn to sch. imaging now i do not know about God. can u imaging how BORED im? work study work study. no life. and all e temp staff in e office is BORED, even 2 of them quit le.

and im getting lazy and lazier each day. that is bcos why there is no updates in my blog. actually have. i updated and i deleted. now u know how bored am i le mah. no ar, cos e entires which i wrote abit dono what to say ar so i deleted!! and ya, im seriously getting lazier as each day goes by. maybe its bcos of e things which i face now. i lazy to do things, i lazy to go work. i lazy to go anywhere. just wanna stay in bed and sleep and forever don wake up. thats e best!! and wait or my Daddy God to Bring me home.

things are not going well as well. tired of what im doing right now. its never easy. now i know a leaders position le. i admire those leaders. and i know what are my weakness. weakness alot alot. but how about strength? no. i dont. one hit by a stone, i fall. terribly fall. and nothing can lift me up. cos its has been again and again till im seriously very sick and tired le. tot i can but i fall. don tot. if i tot, it will never come true. tot, assume. this 2 will harm u. and i tot i'll get scolding by my boss, by yuzhen. but end up. no, i never get scolding. seriously i dono how. i tot i say sth wrong but end up get no scolding which i tot will get scolding for sure but things turn diff way.

and this song keep entering my mind non-stop. just like e sound in my ear. and ya, went back to e doc again and he say need to see specialist. den dono what scan my head see whether got anything. aiya. nth de lor, everytime also nth de. i don intend to go see cos watse money. if really my head got prob den die lor. and ya, e song is "I've decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, no turning back." i do not know why. at times. i may want to turn back but look at every suitation im still right here. and think of Jesus dieing on e Cross for us. it even a BIGBIG sacrifice. and i really dono. don wish to say. im just feeling down, discouarage by certain things. IM TIRED!

*a Right Heart and a Right Mind.

Hmms. New Year Eve. budden how come ppl so gan chiong. tmr den CNY mah. ppl start greeting le. gan chiong spider. haha! =D and somemore i receive ang bao from my ah gong le. its like. relac man. tmr den is CNY. budden i told my mum that orh, today get 1 den tmr get another one. haha! TKK ar! but anw. went my ah ma house just now. den eat there lor. all my 17 life, 1st time CNY eve went to my ah ma house to eat. but i love my ah ma cooking. (: thou it not like other family sit at one round table and eat tgt. but mine is we ate alone. but thats alright. and yea. got duck duck, Loves! and haha. 1 thing i love is i asked my ah ma to take away e bones for me. so got meat only. =D *Thanks ah ma! i feel like im a kids.

Hmms. and yea. ytd my small aunty come my house and my ah ma also. den we went down to eat and den went bdk. and i was wearing cannot make it de. anyhow wear den i just liddat go bdk cos got car mah. budden anw, aiya, no one wanna see de la thou it got alot ppl there. and guess what. i got blessing AGAIN. my aunty asked. what u wanna buy? den i asked my mum to buy nike water bottle for me but she don wan and she say ask my aunty buy lor. den i was like. nvm nvm. den i asked my aunt here got sell 'tube shirt' mah den haha. got this fashion den she bring me go buy. *Thanks aunt! and yea. and goes it w my Pink Cardigan. wearing it on sun!! (:

Hmms. and yea. i feel so Loved and Blessed. cos rmb i told u guyz that my auntiessss Blessed me and everything. and my bro don have. =XX den i was like funny in my heart. haha! cos u working le mah. wahahaaha! budden yea. my aunty also gave me $50 vocher. den he buy ALOT of things. den i not happy. haha! and and, he buy nike shoe for his GF!!! never buy for me. =D but nvm. and and i dono my bro also so gan chiong de. he asked me whether i got sent msg to my frens. and he say see whether they got reply or not mah. den i was like. no, they wont reply de. but anw. nvm. will sms a few tmr. (:

*haha. anw. Kim wanna say to all. "Happy CNY!!" (: must take loads of angbaos and share share w me. (:

Hmms. woah~ im super super COLD now. HELP!! e office de air-con like free de neh. open so cold. can anyone lower e volume down?? my leg my hand is cold. but i cross my leg still cold. my hand cannot cos must typing de so cannot cover. im really COLD. who is hot. come i touch u, u'll not hot le. haha! =D hmms. anw, today wanna chiong de, budden in e end don wan ar. cos very tired and my head is giving me trouble again and again. very pain, super pain until no word to describle. and my ear is like so irritating can? feel like cuttin off my 'head'. but i ate panadol le, i don dare to eat e medicine that e doc gave cos there put 'MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS' den i scare i do half way i fall asleep. so bare w it!!

Hmms. and ya. went to see doc AGAIN ytd. and this sickness is like so werid. so ytd after work, go my house downstair de clinic. this time round is private de. cos it cost $25. its like. and e most irritating part is my mum ask me pay but in e end i say no. i say i pay $10. and e most most irritating part is e doc say he gave me medicine. eat alrdy cfm ok alrdy. den he say if not ok yet. come back again. den my mum say 'aiyo, very ex de leh, still must come back again meh?' den i was like ok. den e doc gave me "blood flow and vit B" de ar. den my mum nag and say 'must eat e medicine if not see alrdy also no use, never eat den waste money...' but i scare my brain got prob. i don wanna go scan my head. cos it even more ex. and i feel everything is connected de lor. i got headache den giddy den now my ear got buzzing sound and my eye sometime will redred(but e doc say is sensitive) and sometime i got flu den got abit fever. i think im scaring myself only. so yea. nth will goes wrong de, im so healthy. *like real. =D but i need Healing. but if lets say i really got anything happen to me. "if", den my last wish will be wanna see one most impt person. i wanna see him before anything happen. seriously. i miss him.

*when is CNY? ohs~ its thurs! 2 more days! actually not excited about it, only excited of wearing my new clothes. haha, brought a dress and a top only. no bottom. ): but its alright. also on look forward of getting angbao. cos not many and need to give mum half. everything also half. and yea. so happy can. tmr im off! and i got 5 days off. wed-sun!! must treasure this 5days off. (: must enjoy my days. and yea. CNY. e most funny part is. when other relative come my ah ma house which we don really know, my bro, me and my cousins or sometime my aunties and uncle will hide at my ah ma room. cos we shy. (: haha! just hide lor. but still, this year CNY, aiyo. all i can say is every year is e same. *boredboredbored. i feel that when we grow older each year, we don really feel e excitment le. so yea. lor.

Hmms. after so long. my head still pain and e sound still there. i wonder if e medicine helps. but doc say both medicine MUST EAT FINISH. den everyday must eat 3 meals le. but today Clever de me. cos my lunch, i morning i eat half 1st den lunch i eat another half. so don need watse money go buy. and i feel that im so Clever. =X haha! den eat medicine de. but can i don eat. i feel that im collecting *medicine de. i gto loads of medicine now. ):

GOD!! what is happening??? i really dono. seriously. just one day, things that i cant imaging, its has happen. gosh! what is all this things happening. don wanna mention it. but all i know is GOD, its not my fault. its really hard. God. i really cannot take it le and e wire have alrdy break. Daddy God. only You're one who knows. and In e end, You're e one who JUDGE everyone, and Only You who know e truth. and Daddy God. its really really Hard to do all e things. and maybe i bother others too much le. and ya, its time i WILL NOT bother anything, listen up! I WILL NOT BOTHER ANYTHING. and still. in e end i gonna say, God is e one who know everythings. eveythings that i've done. everythings that i've said or things i never said or feel or whateva. God's knows. whateva it said, it is done. what happen it alrdy happen le. everything was a past. even a min ago, was a past.

Hmms. today was rather a word from Heaven for me. its really God's word to me. "Fortitude!" i'll not GIVE UP! i still rmb what God spoke to me during CGM. and Daddy God. i really cry out to You. i want more of You! Your Purpose. and i really want to complete this race just for You. not for anyone but for u alone. but i wanna rephrase it. 'I'll not give up on my walk w God. but there're certain things i need to give up'. or rather others ppl things which doesnt concern about me, i'll give up also. and ya.

i may not know what is happening. and kinda stressed up w so many things alrdy and everything just bomb in one goal. and my head has not been right this few days. and just like what i said to em. if u think so, it is so lor. if u don think so, its not lor. so whateva u all wanna think or anything. it is not for me to decide, it You. its ur heart. i only know what i do it correct. don believe, i don care. God Believe. God see. and im happy w it le.

and went to see e doc. and e doc asked "did u have enough rest?", "are u stress up w anything". and e doc asked me not to take spicy things due to my gastric and i feel so wasted asin e money, waited 1hr45min for e whole progress. thou its only cost $5.90. but i think i could just eat pandadol will do can le. and i tell myself, giddy giddy lor. faint faint lor. die die lor. and i tell myself, its very easy to die de. i can go to e road and just get bang by e car or by simply just jump off e building, isnt that easy? and i know what my weakness since ytd. yuping knows. and ya, think think i don wanna die just liddat cos i haven do Great things for God. and i e purpose i live is cos of God. not of anyone else. and what's more, i've one Life to live and its Jesus who give it to me. e more i must treasure it. so ya. alright!